Full Circle Fridays|Week 21: Useful

Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
 Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

On Wednesday’s episode, we talked about discovering which coping skills from your trauma have become no longer needed, that aren’t serving you anymore, or even have been destructive to your well-being. Today, I want to wrap around that concept with some resources that may be useful to survivors so that you can begin to uproot those maladaptive coping mechanisms and re-plant some useful ways to be supported as you seek health and wellness in your trauma recovery.

My personal philosophy is that we are made up of many components. I don’t think that you’ll just find the perfect therapist and your life will change forever. I also don’t believe that you can just find the love of your life and all the pieces will fall into place. I believe in a whole balance of all your main parts: mental, physical, spiritual, psychological, interpersonal, intrapersonal, social, sexual, nutritional, recreational, financial, educational, familial, environmental, and probably a few more that you can think of for your own personal journey. These pillars are areas where we can find healthy attributes and actions that can come together to create a synergy of support, health, and positivity. You may know someone, for instance, who has so many friends and has a great outdoor lifestyle of regular activities but hates their job or their spouse. The imbalance there is going to eventually cause a suffering. As trauma survivors, we have suffered enough. The work we do on our trauma recovery road is deep, painful at times, and healing. In this process, it’s important that we do what we can to find peace in other areas of our lives as best as we can. Again, this is an ongoing progressive lifestyle challenge. The universe is going to ebb and flow your current situation from time to time. No one can be a happy, millionaire, fun, model all the time! Nor should that be the goal.

Here’s where you get to have some fun. Here’s where you get to set your sights on a vision of what a peaceful, happy life looks like for YOU. This exercise may also be a bit triggering as you investigate, so don’t get down on yourself too hard when examining these things. Take some time, when you are grounded and safe, to make a little inventory of some of these cornerstone areas of your life. Write down what each one means for you, figure out what would be useful ways to move ever so slightly toward your most ideal, and then start some small practices. Finding balance in some of these areas will naturally start to move you away from some of those maladaptive coping patterns that you’ve been in because you can begin offering your mind and body and spirit new tools to try when stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, or triggered. Having these ideas of useful resources in your back pocket gives your brain a larger variety of things to choose rather than just its usual default coping skill.

Here’s some ideas to get you started:

Mental — get out in nature to reconnect by disconnecting, turn off the news, find a therapist or coach, utilize a mood tracker app, ask for help when you need it, try volunteering somewhere meaningful to you

Physical — practice some joyful movement, go swimming just for fun, take a friend on a hike, switch up your routine, set an alarm to stand up once an hour at your desk to stretch, find a type of bodywork that you enjoy receiving

Spiritual — try meditation, keep a dream journal, ask someone you admire about their spiritual beliefs, seek help for any religious trauma in your past

Psychological — read “The Body Keeps the Score” (van der Kolk), if you believe you have a psychiatric issue consult with your doctor, ask a trusted family member about your family’s psychiatric health history, find a grounding technique that really works for you

Interpersonal — learn about active listening, join a team sport in your community, ask your partner to try couple’s counseling to improve communication skills for you both

Intrapersonal — work with an IFS practitioner to improve your Self energy and Self leadership, set aside time for self-inquiry and reflection at the end of the day, practice self-affirmations, look at yourself in the mirror for just two minutes in the morning and smile at yourself

Social — ask a friend to try a spin class at your gym, attend a function that seems casual and set a time to be able to excuse yourself, pick an acquaintance that you aren’t emotionally invested in so you can practice boundaries on them, try a book club

Sexual — Google “Goop’s Erotic Blueprint” and do some exploration of your inner workings, if you’ve had sexual trauma you can find a sexual trauma therapist, ask your partner to try something new with you if they are comfortable, practice self-care and self-exploration

Nutritional — try intuitive eating, work with a trauma trained practitioner who specializes in eating disorders, drink more water, turn off commercials when watching tv

Recreational — do something daring like rock wall climbing, if you have physical limitations try something adventurous via virtual reality, go somewhere you’ve never been in a 30-mile radius of your home, have a picnic at a local park

Emotional — get a “Feelings Wheel” and try to name your emotions, for ladies track your menstrual cycle to see if you have strong emotional dips that could be discussed with your doctor, allow any grief or anger from your past abuse to come to the surface in a safe way, find support with a coach or therapist to explore repressed emotions

Financial — find a trusted advisor, set up a budget, clip coupons for regularly needed items for just one month and explore the savings, think about whether it’s time to ask your boss for a raise, give to charitable organizations that mean something to you

Educational — try taking a free online mastermind in an area of learning that you are interested in, discover the power of YouTube by learning a new instrument, contemplate if maybe going back for another degree would make sense for you, for brain stimulation try a dance or pottery or art class just for fun, download some brain training apps

Familial — take an inventory of the relatives in your life and ask yourself which ones have your full trust and which ones you may need to have no contact with and everything in between, let your closest family know your trauma recovery journey so they can begin to understand you and the changes you are starting to make, find a family therapist if you believe it would be a help to any discord in your immediate family, set aside a family dinner night just once a week or once a month based on everyone’s schedules

Environmental — invest in an air filter at least for your bedroom, add more plants to your home and office, work with a professional to help you quit smoking, recycle, get a BPA free water bottle, try some detoxification patches

This is obviously not nearly a complete list. But I hope these are a few useful ideas to get the ball rolling as you take an inventory of these areas of your life. Imagine the power of implementing something small like daily self-affirmations for your intrapersonal health as a supplantation to the inner critic who loves to come in as a coping skill when you are under stress. Eventually, the affirming Self will have more habitual ground in your life than the critical. These are just some examples.

I will always stand by the opinion that everyone needs to find their own regimen for improving their day-to-day lifestyle, health, and wellness. It is imperative to have a strong healthy lifestyle while journeying down this trauma recovery maze. I would love to help anyway I can — so if you need some more ideas or for some personalized resources, reach out and connect with me. I’d love to hear what you do to help yourself in these key areas of life. Keep progressing and be gentle with yourself. A masterpiece isn’t painted in just a day. Small incremental changes will lead you to a content lifestyle. Find balance. You got this!